TECH SUPPORT!!! TECH SUPPORT!!!
Topic: Hopefully Humorous
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User

______________________________________

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NAG NAG 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Ain't that the truth Lynette!

NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND
Topic: Hopefully Humorous
No politics today just an chain-email,

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district...

(Spellings have been left intact.)

1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.

2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT.

3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33.

4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.

5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.

6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.

7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.

8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.

9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.

10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.

11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE: [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT].

12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.

13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.

14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT.


15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.

16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO, GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY.

17-- SALLY WON'T BE IN SCHOOL A WEEK FROM FRIDAY. WE HAVE TO ATTEND HER FUNERAL.

18-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES


19-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.

20-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.

21-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.

22-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.

23-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORE THROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER, SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.

Lynette Does It Again!

Fascism Files
Topic: Fascism Files
The Indy Voice has created an entirely new category called "Fascism Files." Since we won't (unfortunately) be running out of good material to fit in this category I figured why not create a whole new category.

To start us off just take a look,

Bush critics stifled from representing U.S. overseas

According to Laurence W. Britt in an article published in Free Inquiry magazine entitled "Fascism Anyone?" he concludes that there are 14 characteristics of fascists or proto-fascist states after studying the regimes in Nazi Germany, Fascist Italy, Franco's Spain, Salazar's Portugal, Papadopoulos's Greece, Pinochet's Chile, and Suharto's Indonesia.

This action by the Bush administration most closely resembles characteristic #11,

Disdain and suppression of intellectuals and the arts.

Intellectuals and the inherent freedom of ideas and expression associated with them were anathema to these regimes. Intellectual and academic freedom were considered subversive to national security and the patriotic ideal. Universities were tightly controlled; politically unreliable faculty harassed or eliminated. Unorthodox ideas or expressions of dissent were strongly attacked, silenced, or crushed. To these regimes, art and literature should serve the national interest or they had no right to exist.

It also closely resembles characteristic #6,

A controlled mass media

Under some of the regimes, the mass media were under strict direct control and could be relied upon never to stray from the party line. Other regimes exercised more subtle power to ensure media orthodoxy. Methods included the control of licensing and access to resources, economic pressure, appeals to patriotism, and implied threats. The leaders of the mass media were often politically compatible with the power elite. The result was usually success in keeping the general public unaware of the regimes' excesses.

Never forget that this is your country not theirs!

Salute Il Duce!


P.S. The Indy Voice has had his suspicions verified about the origins of the fascist poem found below. "Bob" the apparent creator of RHL School has publicly admitted that he created the non-agnostic acrostic or more descriptively the vomit inducing poem.

I respect his right to create such a piece but I think the appropriate question is why?

Hey Bobby, if you're truly a conservative and therefore disdainful of government, why don't you seem to have any level of doubt about the head of the executive branch of the government?

Have you saluted Il Duce today?

The New Face of Fascism
Topic: Bush

Click the picture of Il Duce for more...

Apparently the first published online copy of this poem originated at RHLSchool.com. Which is a curious supplier of free children's worksheets. According to their website they are,

"Your place to get free ready to use quality worksheets for teaching, reinforcement, and review. Worksheets that are truly unique! Many of these worksheets can serve as the basis for lessons."

The Indy Voice would be curious to know who RHLSchool.com is. If they aren't the author, then who?

Happy Holidays!!!
Topic: Satire
It's that time of year again when conservatives unionize to create the illusion that liberals are evil godless people out to destroy all that is good in the world. And there's nothing that The Indy Voice delights in more than dispelling the myths of the do-dos over at conservative central. So without further ado The Indy Voice would like to re-post what is sure to become a holiday favorite in liberal land. Enjoy and have a "Happy Holiday!"

Jeremiah 10:2-4: "Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not."

This is the original pre-emptive strike at the ignorance that may spew from the unending faucet of misinformation such as those self-important ding-a-lings like Bill O'Reilly, et al.

Christmas is not under attack by liberals, it's under attack by those trying to force it into the halls of government and commerce with disinformation and ignorance. (And by the way O'Reilly, Jesus wasn't a philosopher.) Additionally, there is so much misinformation and incomplete understanding of the origins of Christmas and it's traditions that The Indy Voice believes that it requires some clarification.

Christmas, which is the modern term which comes to us from the late Olde English cristes masse, or "Christ's mass", is celebrated all over the world by both Christians and non-Christians. It is usually celebrated on December 25th, but some celebrate it on January 7th. Some people, such as fundamentalists Christians, believe that Christmas should be celebrated without the heathen accompaniments, such as a tree decorated with lights. Some devout Christians DO NOT celebrate "Christmas".

In ancient Babylon "The Feast of Isis" was celebrated on December 25th and it involved partying, feasting and gift giving; this is more than just a coincidence. Additionally, the Christmas tree tradition, originally called "Paradeisbaum" or paradise trees, dates back to Western Germany in the 16th century. Trees were brought into homes to celebrate the annual "Feast of Adam and Eve" on December 24th. The Christmas tree tradition was brought to America in the 1700's by German citizens but it did not become popular until the 1850's when President Franklin Pierce arranged to have the first Christmas tree in the White House. It was not until 1923 that President Calvin Coolidge started the National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony on the White House lawn. This ceremony doesn't break the wall of separation between church and state because the act of lighting a "Christmas tree" is entirely pagan in nature even though those doing the lighting are most likely unaware of this.

The Christmas holiday is under attack by the likes of Macy's, not because they will no longer wish their customers a "Merry Christmas" but because they have infiltrated this religious holiday by convincing people that they MUST exchange goods as a show of faith. There is nothing anywhere in the bible that calls for this, yet many secular and non-secular Christians and non-Christians believe that gift-giving is a Christmas imperative. The fact is that all of the Christmas traditions including the Christmas tree, the Christmas ham, the Yule Log, holly, mistletoe, Santa Claus and the giving of presents come directly from pagan traditions.

As to the artificial problem of wishing people a "Merry Christmas" after a purchase of goods, this stems from the belief that "Christ is the reason for the season". He's not. Man is the reason for the season. December 25th (or January 7th) and all the things that go along with the modern day, pagan adopted and man-made traditions, are the reason for the season. In addition to Christmas, Ramadan, Chanukah and Kwanzaa are all being celebrated around the same time this season. Should merchants qualify their customers religious beliefs to make sure that they don't offend? Should merchants wish Jews a Yummy Yom Kippur on the 10th day of Tishri, the Babis a Happy New Year on March 21st, the Jains a Merry Mahavira-mas on April 3rd, and Buddhist a dazzling Dharma day on August 31st? What about the dozens and dozens of holidays, from the dozens of different religions that are celebrated by citizens of this country all year long? How do we address them? Should they be offended when their religious holiday isn't acknowledged by the local purveyor of gifts?(Index of Major Religious Holidays)

Understanding the secular and non-secular origins of Christmas and its relationship to government should make it clear that Christmas should NEVER be entangled with government and self-serving corporations (and TV show commentators). Both are equally capable of destroying a perfectly good religious celebration.

(For more information check out Religious Tolerance)

Just A Thought...
Topic: Bush
As the President of the United States leeches the appearance of paternalistic power standing aside an admiral of the Navy while he awaits his introduction to a throng of identical looking cadets at the bastion of American nationalism, the Naval Academy, and as he is greeted with grand patriotic music as he stands directly underneath the banner that reads “PLAN FOR VICTORY” it is hard not to conclude, amidst the cadence of the seamen’s arms waving in gesticulations of power, that the United States, led by the Republican party, is in the midst of a uniquely American proto-fascism.

Quotes for Thought
"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American Public."

- Theodore Roosevelt, Republican President

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

- Arthur Schopenhauer, philosopher

"Allow the President to invade a neighboring nation whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion, and you allow him to do so whenever he may choose to say he deems it necessary for such purpose - and you allow him to make war at pleasure... The provision of the Constitution giving the war-making power to Congress, was dictated, as I understand it, by the following reasons: Kings had always been involving and impoverishing their people in wars, pretending generally, if not always, that the good of the people was the object. This, our Convention understood to be the most oppressive of all Kingly oppressions; and they resolved to frame the Constitution so that no one man should hold the power of bringing this oppression upon us. But your view destroys the whole matter, and places our President where kings have always stood."

- Abraham Lincoln, US Representative

"Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else."

- Theodore Roosevelt, Republican President

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?"

- Mohandas K. Gandhi, lawyer

"Never, never, never believe any war will be smooth and easy, or that anyone who embarks on the strange voyage can measure the tides and hurricanes he will encounter. The statesman who yields to war fever must realize that once the signal is given, he is no longer the master of policy but the slave of unforeseeable and uncontrollable events."

- Sir Winston Churchill

"Why, of course, the people don't want war. Why would some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece. Naturally, the common people don't want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship... voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

- Herman Goering (NAZI) at the Nuremberg trials

"Nonviolence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man."

- Mohandas K. Gandhi, lawyer

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God."

- Jesus of Nazareth, carpenter

Convenient Convention
Topic: Iraq
Where the Riverbends there is a place where conventional ignorance meets "Conventional Terror."

(Click the video at the beginning of the article after you read it.)

A Picture Says...
Topic: Hopefully Humorous

I think that says it all!

Thanks Kev!

Cut And Run, PLEASE!
Topic: Iraq
There is another term that we can use instead of "cut and run" when referring to Iraq and it's called leaving. We can and should leave Iraq and the people that are saying that we shouldn't are the same people that said that Iraq possessed WMD prior to the start of the war. They were wrong then and they're wrong now.

In order to understand the argument for leaving Iraq you need to understand the breakdown of the players that are involved in the fighting there. On the one hand there are the Iraqis who are made up of both the Shia and the Sunnis and on the other hand there is a numerically insignificant but highly motivated and violent group from outside Iraq.

The primary issue to understand is that the people that are fighting U.S. forces in Iraq are doing so because we remain there. The common sense of this statement is lost on politicians of both the Democratic and Republican persuasion. The greatest fear is that because Democrats continue to regurgitate the fallacy that if we "cut and run" all hell will break loose the potential change of Congressional makeup in the 2006 elections will mean no change in our policy of our illegal occupation of Iraq which would result in the most dire of consequences. The most important aspect of this fact is that the Shia and the Sunnis who are presently fighting U.S. forces do so because they want revenge for our continued unjustified occupation and killing of their friends and family and the destruction of their communities. Both the Shia and the Sunnis recognize that without the U.S. presence in Iraq they have nothing to gain by a civil war.

The majority of the other group presently fighting U.S. forces were recently radicalized by the U.S. occupation. They have become battle hardened on the streets of Iraq, ensuring that they'll be capable of teaching further generations of newly radicalized Middle Easterners better ways of killing Americans and westerners. This group is the most dangerous to American interests around the world and only grows in size when American imperialism and hypocrisy becomes U.S. foreign policy. This group would be left utterly powerless and without cause if the U.S. were to immediately leave Iraq. This group is also well aware that without the presence of U.S. forces in Iraq nothing is gained through provoking a civil war. Without U.S. forces as an antagonist this group is powerless in using the situation in Iraq as a impetus for radicalizing more moderate Muslims around the globe.

Our continued presence in Iraq is strengthening this worldwide radicalization of moderate Muslims into violent anti-American and anti-westerner forces and more importantly is the direct cause of the anarchy that is presently reigning there. If we do not leave Iraq things will only get worse. U.S. forces leaving Iraq is the only logical course of action for anyone who desires a stable Iraq. Furthermore, removal of our occupying forces from Iraq would result not only in advancing U.S. interests but also in reducing the numbers of radicalized Muslims both in Iraq and around the world.